Am I?
by Blue6 - Blood66
Summary: [CHAP 6: No Turning Back: Tetsuo makes his appearance in Mitsui's life.] What happened on the past with a little twist. Mostly about Mitsui and Kogure. MitKo[^__^]. Some weirdness surrounding Mitsui and a girl who he thought he already knew. R/R pls!
1. Kogure, Mitsui and Ayami?

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Author's note: /Disclaimers go here./ Most stories are set in the future, but this one's set in the past, and the story quite diverted, the story mainly talking about Kogure and Mitsui. Is it yaoi? I don't know. My brain will decide. This story is from Kogure meeting Mitsui until Mitsui joining the basketball club once again. Weirdness comes in here. Guess who is the girl…she's not an OC. Please review!

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Am I…?

-Kogure-

I picked Shohoku. Why? I don't know. I just like it. I just like the sound of the name. Like wind whipping on my face. Like my hair flying around my head…sharp sounds. Besides, it's not too far from my house, which is an advantage. Why will I pick Kainan if it's some kilometers from our house? Stupid if I did. 

I gripped the handle of my bag securely as I walked to the school, glancing all the while at the people walking around me, wanting to know if there's a familiar face. I sighed involuntarily, feeling the emptiness, like anorexia. I hoped I would see someone who I knew. That would help. 

Suddenly there was someone calling my name. My heart went on double time. There it was again…a loud, booming call, almost frightening. I turned my head to meet the eyes of the caller. Akagi!

"Kogure! It's nice to see you." 

I smiled genuinely, being gratefully happy on seeing this big guy. 

"Are you going to join the basketball club?" he asked me, an old glint showing up from his eye. I smiled, now widely. 

"Yes. I want my beginner practice pay off this year. You're joining?"

He nodded. "I want our team to be the no.1 in Japan!" his old motto. When we reached the room where we're supposed to hold our classes, we said our impermanent good-byes. I scanned a room and sat beside a rather big guy sleeping. I watched him for a few minutes, wondering how the heck he fell asleep on the first day of class. Then he lifted his head, bangs scattering on his forehead. I gaped at him.

"What?" he asked, no trace of annoyance in his voice, as though he was used to this gaping thing. 

I looked down, embarrassed at the act, and felt very impolite. Staring at other people was not my thing, but I kind of recognize this guy. Then I gasped. Mitsui Hisashi, the MVP! Luckily the sensei went in the room, so I don't have to supply stammers to this guy. 

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After classes…orientation to the basketball club

Discipline…discipline. I stood like a tree beside other aspiring freshmen, Akagi beside me. My stomach felt like it was full of butterflies as my turn to introduce was getting close. My hands started sweating as Akagi introduced himself. It was my turn after he shouted his motto. 

"Next!"

Then the door of the gym opened, a tall guy with bangs bursting in. He had a grin on his face. "Gomen. I am late," he said. A chorus of muttering filled the gym. "Mitsui Hisashi…" I whispered to Akagi. He grunted as a 'yes' and stared straight ahead. 

"Quiet! Next time be punctual! Discipline!" the captain shouted and pointed to the place where Mitsui will stand. It was next to me. Now I'm feeling cold of nervousness, introducing myself in front of these people, including this tough-looking MVP. I gulped fresh air and gathered up my guts.

"Kogure Kiminobu, first year! I -"

The person beside the captain, who seemed to be the vice-captain, snickered. "Can you really play basketball?" he asked, looking at my features. My face started going crimson-red. Embarrassed rather than angry, I stood there, looking down. 

"Anyone can play basketball if he likes," a deep voice. I turned abruptly to the speaker. Mitsui? Why?

"Quiet! Enough playing, Takeshi," the captain boomed. "Next!"

"Mitsui Hisashi, first year! I want our team to be the no.1 in Japan!" I heard Akagi gasp. 

The captain smiled curiously at Mitsui then to Akagi. "Now, practice game! Everyone give their best!"

"O-oooooooo!"

Then he started announcing the members of each team. When we were preparing for the game, Mitsui went to me and put a hand on my shoulder. "Arrogant upper-years. Don't mind them. Just kick their asses with your playing," he said, shaking his head. My heartbeat slowed down, and my I can tilt my head now. "Thank you. And thank you about that thing a while ago."

"No problem." He grabbed a basketball and dribbled it to the court. Then he shot a ringless three-points. I watched him shooting baskets, wondering how a great player can be humble and boastful at the same time. I smiled to myself and stood up. It was time for the game. I will do my best. 

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After the game…7:15 p.m.

-Mitsui-

The practice game was like forever, but I didn't feel any pain on my joints. I was tired to do anything. Wryly, I yawned, inhaling the fresh night air. The light posts highlighted my features: quite pale, tall, muscular…and handsome. Hehehehe. I grinned happily, walking faster now. My stomach growls like it was not fed for a year.

"Ah!" I exclaimed as I bumped on something…something soft. I looked down and saw a girl having boy-cut hair and blue eyes wearing white shirt and blue shorts, her feet encased in large shoes. She grinned bashfully at me and held my hand to lift her up. When she stood up, I noticed how her height was close to mine. And those eyes were familiar…`

"Gomen nasai. Daijoubu desu ka?" 

"Daijoubu. A…" 

She was SO familiar! I wonder if I already met her. Maybe asking her name will support it. "Ano…Do you mind if I ask your name?" With that, she recoiled and looked down at the ground. It was a weird act, is she very shy to just say her name? "Well…if you don't like…then…"

"No I don't mind! Watashi wa…aa…Ayami." She gave me a sweet smile and glanced at her watch. "Oh no! I've got to go! See you around!" then she ran fast, an unusual thing for girls. As I watched her go, there was something about her that reminds me of someone…Shit, I hate thinking. I just sighed and walked home.

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Author's note: To be continued! Please review. I will be very grateful to read reviews. ^___^


	2. Damn who the heck is she?

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Author's note: / Disclaimers go here. / Aa…second chapter! I kind of enjoy writing this one, the yaoi pictures of Kogure and Mitsui inspires me! As I've said before, the girl is NOT an OC. She's not even Haruko's friend. *Grin* Anyway, all reviews are entirely welcome, but I'd love to hear criticisms. I've decided! This is a yaoi fic! MitKo's a cute couple! Am I…homophobic? Nah…on with the story! 

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Am I…?

-**Kogure-**

I looked at the sky, longing it would stay as it is: clear blue. I held the basketball on my hand, twisting it and then dribbling it on the empty basketball court. Afternoon sunrays filtered in the gym beautifully, the light scattering on the wooden floor of the gym. It was only 3:50 p.m., forty minutes early for the practice. 

My eyes darted from here to there, making sure no one was watching. I stepped out of the basketball line, which is the three-point position. Breathing deeply and trying the resurrect what I've learned in my past years, I lifted the ball easily and made an almost perfect three points. I smiled to myself, but instantly froze when a clap echoed in the gym. 

"Sugoi! I guessed right; I knew you were good in basketball." Of all people…it was Mitsui. Though his compliment was sincere, I wished I could disappear right at that moment. I faced him, blushing profusely. 

"Um…not really," I sheepishly replied. _Not as good as you,_ I added to myself. 

Mitsui grinned from ear to ear and proceeded to me. Again, I stared at him. He held out his hand, smiling steadily. "One on one?" 

I turned red again, imagining the prospect of what will happen. I'm not good in defense; I was not trained that well. Besides, sometimes I am just a substitute in our former team. Bench-man. It was rude to turn him down, so I accepted his challenge. Perhaps this will eventually make us good friends.

I was in possession of the ball, meanwhile he was guarding me, his hands outstretched, his eyes fixed on me. _Dribble…Dribble._ I dribbled fast and ran near the ring. But before I knew it, the ball was already in his hands. My eyes grew wide, and then I guarded him. He had that happy-go-lucky smile while his dribble accelerated. He lifted his hands, not even aiming; I was high above him now, but he shot. It was like slow motion when the ball went to the ring. The ball went in ringless. [A.N.: gawd I suck at writing a basketball game.] 

This time it was my turn to admire. If he voiced his admiration a while ago, I became speechless. Good thing about him is that he didn't even boast of his perfect shot. I adjusted my glasses and tried to sound delighted. "Sugoi ne…You're really the MVP." He laughed happily, as if the game made his spirits go high. 

"Ne, ne!" Mitsui smiled. "I feel great now. 'Twas a great warm-up." The clock ticked on. I can't believe it was already 4:20. There were footsteps heard from outside; the members of the basketball team have arrived. "Thanks for that, Kogure," Mitsui nodded and ran to the captain. The others were assembled in front of the captain now. 

I smiled to myself again. It was a really good day, plus having played one-on-one with the famous MVP. I went to the team and prepared myself to the oncoming practice. 

[**A.N.**: / Insert practice game here / Sorry, I don't have the talent to write a basketball game. I suck at it.]

-**Mitsui-**

The time of the game was slowly subsiding, and my team was ahead of four points. The ball was in my hand, and mindlessly, I shot a three-pointer, going high above the ground. I smiled, but when my feet touched the wooden floor, white-hot pain coursed from my knee to the whole of my body. I collapsed, grasping my injured knee. Sweat trickled from my temples, my whole body feeling cold with the pain. 

"Mitsui!" outcries of my name made my head throb. I looked up and saw only a concerned face in glasses: Kogure. I forced a weak smile on my face then continued to whimper in pain. 

"Here's the stretcher!" Kakuta with another freshman brought the stretcher in. The captain and vice-captain heaved me on it, carefully avoiding the injured knee. 

"Let's just bring him to the hospital. Maybe his knee was dislocated…That's a dangerous case," I heard Kogure stammer, looking from me to the captain. 

"Mitsui…try to relax…Mitsui…Mitsui…" someone whispered in my ear. My hearing was getting dull, and the whisper was hard to comprehend. But that voice…that voice…it's…`

"Komban wa, Mitsui-kun."

I opened my eyes completely, and the smell of hospital surrounded me. I cringed at the smell; it was my first time to be confined. The ceiling was pure white, the moon brightening the walls. Soon afterward, I remember a person calling me…that voice! I turned my head at the speaker.

"Ogenki desu ka?" I gawked at her. It was a she. It was Ayami. What the hell is she doing here? I don't even know her, except for her name…I continued to stare. Then she smiled. "Sumimasen if I surprised you. I heard about the accident, and…" she paused. "Um…I…wanted to know how you are…um…yeah, that's it."

"You heard from whom?" I asked curiously.

"From Kogure-kun?" 

I settled with that answer, leaning back on the soft pillows. "Ah, Kogure. Are you related to him?"

Ayami abruptly shook her head, her short hair touching her face. "Iie! Um…I mean, no," she looked down. I silenced for a moment, taking in her features. She was wearing a blue shirt, kind of wet with sweat I think; and black shorts, plus those large shoes. That's weird…I think I saw someone wearing that outfit while ago. I looked at the clock; it was 7:00 p.m. 

"Um…are you okay now?"

"Yeah…Better, compared when I was in the gym." She nodded, keeping her smile on her face. Heck, that smile even looks familiar. "Do you know Kogure Kiminobu?" for some reason, she blushed, then nodded. I smiled, brushing my hair back using my hand. Probably bringing up a topic will make her disclose her identity. "He's too nice for a basketball player. I thought all players are troublemakers…" I watched her reaction; she blushed again! What's up with her?

"I think so too," Ayami beamed again. Argh, those eyes! Those eyes are damn familiar…Who is this girl, really?

"Uh…I need to go home. I'm quite tired from practice…" she said warily. Then she froze. 

"Practice?" Mitsui asked.

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Author's note: I'm lazy! This one's to be continued! Who is the girl? Chapter 3 will have the answer… probably. Please review!


	3. I need a glimpse

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Author's note: / Disclaimers go here. / Hi I'm here to bring you the third chapter of my fic…yay! This is fast-paced so don't be confused. Mitsui is kind of OOC in this part…the hell with it! Again, Ayami is not an OC. Probably you've guessed who she is right now, eh? ^__^ Please review and let me know what you think! Thanks! 

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Am I…?

[Third POV]

Mitsui gazed at Ayami questioningly, searching of something of a clue of who she is. Ayami just stared at the floor, silently contemplating what to reveal or what to conceal. She can feel Mitsui's eyes burning on her features and she felt awfully conscious of it. 

"Ahm…Track and field practice. I'm just a beginner that's why I'm all burned out," she smiled radiantly and then gathered all her things. Her bag was noticeably big for a girl; it was a blue duffel bag, and rather bulky. "Hey Mitsui-san, I've got to go. Maybe…" she fiddled with the zipper of her bag. "I'll come here again tomorrow. I…really wanted to know you," she gave Mitsui one last smile and with that, she turned her back to him and ran out from the room gaily. 

Mitsui watched Ayami proceed and smirked to himself. "Ayami… who the heck are you?"

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[After three weeks]

-**Mitsui-**

A knock from the door - my daily routine: hear, ask and summon. And I instantly know who is behind the door. If it's morning, it's my parents or my friends. If it's already night, a knock would mean Ayami. It's only an ordinary thing everyday. I watched the moon briefly, the glow penetrating on the windows of my room, lighting the half of my face. Inhaling deeply, I opened the lights warily. _Hear…_ three knocks. I know it is Ayami after the door. Yet I still ask - "Who's there?" - just to make sure. 

"It's me, Ayami."

I sighed heavily, half disappointed, half expecting. _Why does he not come here? What does he want to imply? _Am I _not a friend to him?_ The same questions echoing in my head every single night Ayami came still reverberated in me. 

"Come in." Inhale… Exhale. Lean back… close eyes. Open light… think. _Kogure what's the matter?_ A question before she turn the knob and enter with something in her hand and a smile greeting me, showing me how so glad she is to behold my appearance. But when she set foot in the room, she hadn't got the usual vivacity, but a frown crossing her blanched face. I gazed at her. 

"Yeah?" I feel my bones softening. Leaning back on my pillow, my knee secure on one side of the bed, I watched her think of the things to say before relating it to me.

She settled on the chair beside my bed and breathed heavily. "I am just depressed because of something I really can't express to you… I don't know…" 

I decided it was time to open up to her. Her trust to me was too great, and vice versa. It seems as if we knew each other a long time. "You know… I also feel depressed."

Ayami looked at me with great interest printed all over her face. She nodded enthusiastically.

"You know Kogure, right?" she nodded and then looked down. "I don't know if he considers me as a friend. Honestly, and don't tell it to him, I wanted him to be my friend. You know…he is the guy who I can relate to, you get me? But he never visits me. Thirty minutes is fine with me, but it seems as if his schedule is too full that I can't fit in it. Damn!" I let a curse to emphasize what I feel. She stared at me with her blue eyes wide open.

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[Third POV]

Mitsui watched his fists unclench and clench endlessly. The confession made began to creep in him slowly, like poison finding its way on its target, further making his blood boil at the thought. Ayami softened and sat beside Mitsui, placing a hand on his shoulder. 

"There must be some other reason why he isn't visiting you. Or maybe…" 

Mitsui straightened his fingers. He removed the sheets covering his lower body, then examining his knee carefully, bending it and straightening once again. Mitsui smiled at his own movements. "Or maybe basketball isn't far from me, neh? There is another way, actually." He stretched his legs, bending it once again. "I can walk. Trying isn't hard…"

"Hisashi-kun!"

"No one can even stop me…or else," Mitsui waved his fist threateningly, more at the imaginary person than at Ayami. She gasped audibly upon hearing his voice. But after some moments of pondering, she nodded approvingly. 

"If that's what you want…" she beamed at last. Mitsui turned to the moon and closed his eyes. _Can you take my wish, Kami-sama…_ Mitsui grinned at Ayami with a friendly face.

"Arigato, Ayami."

"No need to thank me." 

****

[The next day… afternoon]

"Here's your lunch, Mitsui-san," the nurse placed a platter filled of very (as in very) nutritious foods on the side table. Mitsui flinched at the food, which is mostly composed of green leaves. He picked the platter, feigning excitement, then ate it as fast as he can, all the while imagining it was beef, chicken and fish. The rice was all right, so he didn't puke after he finished. Gulp. 

"Finished!" Mitsui raised his chopsticks high and then grinned happily at the blushing nurse. 

The nurse clapped her hands, like clapping for a baby who just learned how to crawl, smiling from ear to ear. She messed his hair and gathered the platter. "Wow, you're changing, Mitsui-san!" inside the nurse, she wailed. _How lucky I am to get hold of this cute jock! *Wails quietly*_

"I want to rest now," Mitsui declared, holding the sheets close to his chin. _Go out, go out!_

"Okay. I'll be back after some hours. Or some minutes, rather. Ja!" the nurse closed the door behind her. 

Mitsui laughed evilly, changing to his practice clothes. He propped the pillows on the bed and covered it with the sheets to make a fake Mitsui lying there. He arranged his longish hair and prepared to escape from this hell. He envisioned Kogure and his teammates very excited to see him. _Well, anyway, I'll see them afterwards… _"Chotto matte Shohoku!"

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Author's note: I just wrote this for half an hour so it's kind of shitty and all. Sorry… This is to be continued.

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	4. I am

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Author's note: / Disclaimers go here. / Thanks for all the reviews. And, again, reviews are entirely welcome.

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Am I…?

[Third POV]

The silent wisp of afternoon air touched Mitsui's still frail body, and he was still cringing while he walked with his injured knee. Even though the pain wanted the half of him to go back, his mind was still focused on going to their school. It was hard to lie down in bed for weeks without practicing, for his head constantly reminded him that he might actually end up being a couch potato rather than a really talented jock. 

"Mit-chan?" 

Mitsui turned around sharply, startled at the sudden call. He didn't know someone was behind him and it actually creeped him out.

"Oh, Kakuta-kun." Mitsui breathed a sigh of relief. It was better than seeing Anzai-sensei trailing behind him, knowing all his mischief. He smiled radiantly, almost superiorly at the teammate. "So they're already practicing right now?"

Kakuta grinned. "Yes," then he shifted his weight on his left foot. "Ahm, so how's your knee?"

Mitsui started to walk, and the other guy followed beside him. Mitsui tried hard not to grimace with the pain obstructing him. "My knee's okay. I can walk, see?" and he walked in a fast pace. _Shit. Stop feeling the pain, stop… god. _

The Shohoku gymnasium came into view and Mitsui felt his heart pound as the echoes of dribbling were suddenly audible to both of them. Kakuta opened the door, smiling at Mitsui. 

"I'm glad you're back. And I know they are too," Kakuta said and the view of the players doing the warm up dawned on Mitsui. 

"Mitsui-san!"

"Mit-chan!" 

"Mitsui!"

"You're out of the hospital!"

The greetings made his heart soar. The happiness of being the former MVP and playing basketball again made him forget his injured knee. He just wanted to touch that shiny basketball and make a perfect three-pointer. But when he scanned the room, a face stopped all of his excitement. 

"Mitsui," it was Kogure, and to Mitsui's surprise, he has a sad and disappointed face. 

Kogure was standing beside an impassive Akagi, who wasn't even looking at the both of them. Mitsui frowned. Even Anzai-sensei wasn't even happy to see his presence. Mitsui's happiness melted right at that moment.

"Oi, Mitsui, come on play two on two with us! Show us your skill!" a junior called up to him. Mitsui tore his eyes from Kogure and joined them. _Maybe they're just worrying about me. Not really unusual. _

The junior passed the ball to Mitsui and he felt great just feeling the texture of the red basketball on his palm. It was like a long separation from his joyous life. Slowly, he dribbled the ball and then ascending. His face lit up. 

"Oi," he called to his teammate. "We can beat those two. Stand guard!" the guy nodded.

Mitsui locked his eyes to the junior, made a fake and jumped high on the air to make a three pointer. He smiled, knowing that the ball would shoot. Yet when his feet touched the ground, the leg with the injured knee landed first. Agony captivated him again. 

"Mitsui!" Kogure rushed to Mitsui, who was clutching his knee in severe pain. Tears formed from the corner of Mitsui's eyes, and Kogure knew that it was time to call Anzai-sensei to call the hospital. 

~~~~~~

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-Mitsui-

"He was there when I left him! And, and - and, when I brought his painkillers, he - he was gone! I'm so sorry, I should have - should have…" 

"You might wake him up if you don't shut up! Stop whining!"

"I'm so sorry…"

Where am I? What did I do again?

Slowly I opened my eyes and glanced sidewards. The doctor and the nurse who tended me were there, talking, or rather, bickering at each other. When they saw me awake, the doctor slapped his hand on his face in frustration. The doctor maintained his composure and walked to me.

"So how do you feel now?" the doctor has that tired look on his face. 

I grimaced when I moved the injured leg. I closed my eyes, feigning nonchalance. 

"Next time don't hurry yourself up. You will find yourself staying in this hospital longer than we intended. Okay?" the doctor sighed and retreated. When the door was closed, I opened my eyes, only staring at the very worried look of the nurse above me. 

"I'm so sorry… I should have…"

"Urusai. Go away," I said in a drawling voice. She was so surprised at what she heard and then scurried out of the room. 

That is better. 

I sighed. I hate it here. I want to go out and play basketball… Then my mind was filled again with Anzai-sensei and Kogure's looks. It was hurting me more than my knee. Maybe I should've listened to my doctor instead of resisting him…

I closed my eyes again, taking back my tears and slept.

It was better than remembering what happened.

~~~~~~

-**Kogure-**

Maybe it's really time to go and visit him - it was the thought that nagged me all afternoon. So I kind of escaped practice so that I can visit Mitsui in the hospital.

And here I am outside his room, gathering my guts to knock and turn the knob. 

But before I can even lift my hand to knock, the door opened. The nurse emerged from the room, carrying white sheets of cloth. 

"Oh! May I help you?"

"I've come to visit Mitsui Hisashi. Is he awake?" I adjusted my eyeglasses nervously.

"He's still asleep, but you can come in," the nurse bowed and walked away.

I quietly went in the room, and instantly saw Mitsui's face, his hair scattered on his pillow. I sat on the chair beside the bed, gazing at his features. 

"Kogure…"

I jumped from my seat, startled. I looked at his face, and found him smiling mischievously. 

"Hehehe… scared you. Konnichi wa."

I stifled a grin and returned the greeting to him. "So how are you?"

Mitsui looked up at my face with a trace of sadness in his face. But nevertheless, he smiled. "I'm doing fine…" then he paused to think. His smile disappeared. "How is the team?"

"They're doing great. We practice every afternoon, you see. Inter-high's coming. It's next week," Mitsui frowned again, and I realized that what I have said made him more apprehensive about his state. I knew he wanted to win the nationals, and he needed to get out of bed soon. "Gomen…"

Mitsui laughed, and I know it's really fake. He just wanted me to feel good about it. "No, it's okay." He went silent.

"I wish our team luck. I hope you'd win, even without me. I can make our team win…"

Suddenly, as if fire was ignited in me, I stood up, clenching my fist. I play basketball, and I believe I'm not really a loser in it. There are so many other players in the team… 

"We would win. You're not the only one in the team who can beat them," I said calmly, but angrily.

"What?"

"You heard me."

"But I want to play to make us win! Can't you see -" Mitsui said, baffled.

"Do you think we're too weak to beat them? You're not the only one who has the skill to make us win! We have Akagi, and I believe we're up to winning," I guess my nonsense-anger went up to his limits. I saw blood crawl up to his cheeks, his eyes blazing. Hearing Akagi's name surely makes his blood boil. 

"What are you trying to get at?"

But my anger just rose. "Akagi's better than you. We'll win." I whispered.

Then I stalked to the door, opening it with all the anger I have and slamming it after me. The nurse passing by stared at me. I didn't care. My fury took over me, and suddenly, at that moment, I hated him. 

Time ticked by. 

As I locked myself in my room, I felt myself melt and weak. 

I cried. I never care how many people will hear it. I just want to cry. I cradled my face into my now-small hands, removing my glasses, which tried to cover my true self. I sobbed loudly, revealing my now-small voice echoing in the vastness of my room. 

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Author's note: This is to be continued. Thanks for reading, and please review, tell me what you think. 


	5. F life

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Author's note: / Disclaimers go here. / Thanks for all the reviews. And again, reviews are entirely welcome. Warning: swear words and lots of violence (Yay! Yay!). I hate ranting in fics, be glad for that… 

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Am I…?

-Mitsui-

I checked the clock twice – thrice and for the nth time, I glanced at it, but still, no knock was heard. I lay back on my pillows and sighed, blowing the bangs off my forehead. I was still immobile – useless. I looked over my injured knee, gritting my teeth, the memory of Kogure's words ringing in my head, giving me another bout of headache. But still, even if a thousand rounds of headaches come to me, maybe Ayami wouldn't come. 

I glimpsed at the clock again. 9:30 pm. 

Yeah… she wouldn't come. Absolutely. No one comes at this time. I rumpled my hair and lay back on my pillow, shifting my stare on the window. The sky was pitch black, and to my disappointment, the moon was covered in black masses of clouds. I sighed. 

After some god-knows-when, the hazy moon appeared. It was circular, and was radiating some kind of memory into my head. Oh shit. Kogure again… The moon reminds me of his glasses. Stupid thing…

Why did he have to do that? It was almost childish; I was just partly teasing him. But he took it seriously, and God, he even mentioned that that gorilla could be better than me. What can I do at that time? It got to my nerves that I finally took it as an insult. 

Both of us have done it, anyway. Probably he's fuming in anger right now, swearing they'll make it without me.

I turned to the picture frame on the bedside table, recollections flashing on my mind. Anzai-sensei… I disappointed him again. I thought this time I will be the MVP again, glaring down at Ryonan or even at Kainan. But I'm useless… I'm a fucking disable! 

I clenched my fist and jabbed the injured leg. 

With a wail of exasperation, I screamed as loudly as I can these words that have been dominating my mind all these hours in this damned hospital room:

"Fuck life!"

****

-Ayami-

Oh, I can never see redemption all right… 

The wall clock told me it was too late to visit Mitsui. I dressed in my blue pajamas, which were too large for me and stared at my face at the mirror. My eyes were already red-rimmed and my cheeks were puffy and red. In a slow motion, I gazed at the door then to the book I was reading last night. My life was getting pretty limited that I could hardly finish a novel in a week, and that really frustrates me. It was my hobby…

Mitsui Hisashi… 

I shook my head to relieve the thoughts and slipped my slippers on. I progressed to the kitchen to make hot chocolate and grab a bite to calm myself before sleeping. When I arrived at the kitchen, my brother was there, in front of the TV. What is he doing there late at night? I peeked cautiously and stealthily went to the kitchen, my footsteps barely audible. Glancing now and then at my brother, I poured the hot liquid to my mug, grabbed the half stick of french bread and tiptoed to my room. 

Damn, these long pajamas are really getting in my way. If I tripped on these, I'll rip these off and burn it until it's ashes and bury it on the ground. I hope not, anyway, these cost mom some high yen. Maybe I'll just curse it until my guts go out my mouth. Or perhaps, I'll cramp it on that jerk's face! That would be a very splendid idea…

What am I thinking? These aren't my usual thoughts… I should be thinking now about my grades and that cursed novel I have to read for Literature which I didn't finish on time because… because… 

I sighed as I entered the room. Closing the door quietly behind me, I slumped on the bed rather tiredly and sipped my hot chocolate, alternating on munching the french bread. 

Oh, maybe that jerk doesn't deserve my high emotions. He's just a crippled motherfucker after all…

I almost dropped my food at my thought. I never, ever cursed that word (even in my thought) in my ENTIRE life! My God, is this what he made of me? Is this what my alternative mind wanted me to do? No… No, I shouldn't think of him or whatever this night. It'll give me a headache and stress will come eventually, and I wouldn't really like it.

I set down my empty mug on the bedside table and downed the last bit of french bread. Looking at the novel on my study table, I touched the cover and sighed loudly.

It was a nice pick from my Literature teacher, all right: Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. 

I'll finish it today so I can discover how to be a real monster to that jerk without changing my appearance… 

At all.

The clock ticked on the last minute before 10:00 pm…

****

[Third POV]

After two weeks

The gymnasium was full of blinding light and the heat was almost inevitable. The seats were occupied by happy chatting students, some in their jersey uniform some in their casual shirts and others who were utterly bad wore their school uniform, obviously skipping class. Yet all of them were emitting the same kind of excitement and happiness from their tone of voices and the expression on their faces.

Inside the Shohoku locker room, the team captain was preaching his teammates with the unnatural air of command. They were already in their white jersey uniform, tense and filled with the foreboding of the game some minutes from then. 

But for Kogure, it was a different foreboding wrapping his mind. He can almost visualize Mitsui's head in his mind, and then wrapping his own hand on its slender neck, squeezing until the life ran out. Oh well, it's the natural escape from stress. He glanced at his towering teammate beside him and smiled. 

__

Of course we'll win. I trust Akagi and my teammates… and my skill, too. Kogure thought before blending his voice with his teammates on shouting what resembled a battle cry. The court was waiting outside, and with a deep breath, Kogure followed the team walking to the exit. He felt Akagi's hand on his shoulder, and when he looked up, Akagi was wearing an encouraging smile that was neither friendly nor imperious. Kogure adjusted his glasses and nodded to the tall man, giving him the smile that everyone knew. 

"Kogure, gambatte, you're in with the starting players," Yasuda said, tapping Kogure's back. 

"Thanks, Yasuda," Kogure uttered with an unsure and nervous smile before going to the court. 

Kogure felt something tingle in his skin and when he looked up at the entrance of the gymnasium above, he glimpsed at a certain teenage boy with longish bangs with something that supports him to walk, in a pair of jogging pants and jacket amidst the heat. The guy donned a solemn and regretful look, but Kogure noticed the glint of envy in his eyes as he locked his eyes on the guy's. 

__

Mitsui Hisashi… look at us now… Kogure thought and removed the eye contact with the glint of light on his glasses. The whistle of the referee rang throughout the gym and every Shohoku member sprang into action, which made the guy's expression twist all the more.

Mitsui was standing on the top, behind the entrance, his chest contracting like hell. The bouncing of the ball filled him with euphoria, but somehow the pain of not playing the game he just reigned a year ago kills him. And add the unpleasant words Kogure sputtered to him then… Plus for some unknown reason, Ayami didn't frequent to the hospital to know his condition, and if she did, she won't speak a word, only giving him something, like food, and go away with a flat-toned goodbye. He was totally alone… his life is wrecked… worthless… fucking destroyed. 

Feeling not suited in the gymnasium, he decided to go out, and just leave it all behind… 

Fuck life indeed.

****

Author's note: No, it's not yet the end! This chapter is quite weird, I know, and lots of cursings are inserted because I'm typing this on the second day of our quarterly test; I feel so freaking shitty! This is to be continued, and I promise more violence, oh yeah. Please review, tell me what you think, it will help me a lot. 

__


	6. No Turning Back

****
    
    
    Author's note: / Disclaimers / Hope you'll like this chap. Rating might be changed to PG-13 or R depending on the way I write. For now, it'll suit as PG. Please review after you read, if you like. Thanks. 

Am I...? 

Every lifeless form has regenerated itself to form with strength to join a thousand bodies to act with a total exuberance in mind, even with the injury indebted to them. And never with guilt and regret forming in mind. 

Mitsui didn't think so.

For the past few days after that painful journey to their own game - Shohoku's game, which should be including him, he hadn't felt a bit better about escaping out from the hospital - from that hell he called then. The doctor had been quite frustrated with him, and nurses were being extra strict to their patient, unaware that after that, Mitsui didn't even want to get up for the hundredth time and face his teammates once again. No matter how strict they were, it will be all in vain; Mitsui had decided to be idle and rest his mind until he is oblivious of everything. 

Still, he cannot forget every detail that had engraved in his mind.

Even Kogure's fiery eyes that day, glaring at him with hate and a trace of taunting. He cannot forget how he played, with the ease of an athlete Mitsui once had. 

But never had he known that only after a month will he be out of the hospital, ready to face the world again. What would he do? Will he join the team? Will he give out his extreme plays again? 

Contemplation was the only hard resort. Although it gives Mitsui a major headache, it was required, even after the stressing day in the hospital when he had his last therapy and fixed his belongings.

It was inevitable, of course, to not notice the temptation of the basketball team. Once he would be there, the temptation would rise that if he would ignore it, he would perhaps go insane. 

"Damn," Mitsui muttered, cradling his head on his hands, the gentle purr of the engine seeming to be a nice rhythm with his headache. His mom glanced his way from the passenger's seat, smiling a bit.

"What's wrong, Hisashi? Not happy to leave the hospital?" 

Mitsui sharply tilted his head, causing the neck to crack. His mother laughed softly, while he grimaced thoughtfully. Every little thing the hospital gave to him just made him a bit too naughty for the sterile environment and hell-raising doctors, also nurses. Include the idleness that made him drastically out of shape.

"Of course I am!" Wait... Mitsui thought and remembered something. He probably missed something being in the hospital; rather, someone - someone who made the previous nights' emptiness a bit lively... 

Ayami. Mitsui smiled a bit, remembering the nights when she would sit beside him, the background of a full moon highlighting her boy-cut hair, the bright blue eyes... She was almost like a journal: one who could listen to the pool of thoughts building in another's brain. 

Ayami was the greatest friend he found in high school, Mitsui concluded.

"Mitsui... Mitsui?" On his thinking, Mitsui missed the call of his mother from the passenger's seat, and by glancing at her, he saw an amused smile in her features, which just proved that she was a witness of his nostalgia. 

"We're already in the house now. Or are you missing something from the hospital that you wanted to go back?" his mother's soft voice has a trace of teasing, further annoying the blue-haired teen. Mitsui ignored the remark, and instead opened the door of the car and stepped out. 

The first thing that greeted him was the heat of the sun, then the gentle breeze he missed so much. How he wished he would return to Shohoku with a clear mind, and join the basketball team with a breezy ease. 

But no... His reputation in there broke down, from the first time he went, to the second time, where he wasn't so much invited, especially that bespectacled guy...

Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, he made his way into the house, longing for a touch on his basketball and a nice exercise to restore his strength.

6:45 am, Saturday (the next day)... -Mitsui- 

I wiped the sweat on my temple, spread the towel on my neck and continued to jog. Heck, those days in the hospital really got way out of my liking now. It's only fifteen minutes and I'm completely tired. On my jog, I saw a little cafeteria nestling between the mall and a parlour. Checking the money I've got in my pocket, I decided to get a cup of coffee before continuing the job. Perhaps caffeine would wake my brain cells and get me going. 

It wasn't a very fancy cafeteria, in fact it was so small from the outside that I hesitated to go in. The front door wasn't even glass, it was wood with stains littered all around it, and on the center, a simple cardboard labeled 'Open' dangled from an overused string.

No, I'm not a person who searches for luxury, but the case of meeting some irrespectible jerks who might bring me into trouble worried me. 

Oh well... There's no choice left, anyway. Got to go in rather than jog my way back to my house with grogginess. Anyway, I'm not the coward momma's girl! I'm a tough, macho, handsome and brave man. 

Hehehehe. I really got to laugh at that. From all those anxieties... 

I opened the front door before finishing the thought. I have to forget that shit for now, get some coffee and leave peacefully. Hmph.

The smell of sweat and coffee greeted me, and the air felt a bit greasy. As expected the inside was the same outside: wooden tables, wooden chairs, and a bar not shiny enough with wooden stools scattered in front. I felt as if I entered a cowboy movie in the 18th century. Of course, the cafeteria wasn't deserted. And it gave me a quick stab in the chest, which made my heart race. 

Three figures sat circled on a table near the bar, one a huge man with curly hair and bulking muscles wearing a tank top, and the others just intimidating enough to make me sweat. Guess I did have the right hunch about this place...

Making my presence unnoticed with all my might, I walked pretending undisturbed towards a stool on the bar, the farthest from the men. I brushed my hair back casually, and dropped the towel beside me, as if I were always used to the place. 

"Sir," I called the "waiter" wearing street clothes who was on the farthest part of the bar, cleaning the table. The man, who was probably in his twenties shifted his attention to me, then smiled, amused. 

"You have to ring the bell, he's inside, you know?" the man said, and grinned tauntingly at me. I felt my face redden and slapped myself mentally. Wow, wow... I just drew myself in a dangerous position. I'm going to have plenty of attention now...

I slid the bell towards me and rang it three times. An old man with white hair appeared behind the massive shelves, a smile greeting me. I returned the smile briefly, wanting to get out of here as soon as possible. 

"Coffee, please," I said to the man, and he nodded, then disappeared from behind the shelves to make my order.

I tapped the table, a bit impatient then stopped when I felt eyes surveying me. I knew they were looking at me, and probably were too hungry to make me suffer. Cold sweat trickled from my forehead, my heart beating double time.

The old man returned with a glass mug with steaming coffee. It was followed by a bottle of creamer and sugar, and lastly, a teaspoon. 

"How much?" I dug in my pocket, and realized the question made me a bit foreign once again to the place. I cursed inwardly and ignored in vain the eyes watching my back.

The man said the price, and I hastily picked a paper bill and paid him quickly, dropping the teaspoon with the creamer in my coffee. While stirring, the stool beside me moved ever so slightly, but not so slight to not make the man's presence unnoticed. 

I froze, and acted normal as possible when my heart was beating like a hundred horses stamping their way out of hell.

"Konnichi wa..." a husky voice greeted me, and casually as I can, I turned my head towards the speaker, sweating real hard. "So I guess you're a newbie here, hmm?" It was the huge man, with the unshaven face, curly hair and bulking muscles that I thought if he ticked me off using two fingers, I might curl up in pain. 

"Yeah, I was just getting coffee," I answered meekly, and punched myself mentally for acting such a rat. The man smiled, amused by my attitude. Oh hell... 

What the hell is happening?

The man moved closer to me, his face clearer now. His ear had an earring, and his complexion was brown, but definitely not dirty. I also noticed that he didn't seem greasy or smelly either. 

"You know, I think I know you..." he paused to think, even cupping his chin. His green eyes bore on me eerily and I urged myself not to gulp or I'll crush in my ego. Then the man leaned on the bar, as if satisfied with the thought that occured to him.

"Yes, I know you! You're the one who got the MVP title, right?" he smiled in a way I was not familiar with. "I always loved watching basketball in my college years. But now..." his smile faded into a sad twinkle in his eyes. I shivered inwardly, his husky voice getting in to me. 

"Well, nevermind. What's your name? I kinda forgot it."

"Mitsui Hisashi," I said hardly this time.

"I'm Tetsuo. You know, my friends like you from your playing. We could know each other, you see. There's a bar just four stores from the mall, where me and my friends nightly hang out," his smile now was more like a smirk. "You could join us. So, hope to see you then..." he stood up, not even waiting for my answer, and left with his two friends trailing behind him like trained dogs. 

I stared at his back confusedly. It's just too confusing... Damn. 

"Hey, are you going to waste your coffee?" a voice woke me up from my thinking. I glimpsed at the man cleaning the table and turned to my coffee, which was semi-hot. 

I stirred it once again, and drank it. Right after I finished the coffee, I left the cafeteria, trying hard to erase Tetsuo's words from my head. 

You could join us... There's a bar just four stores from the mall... You could join us...

I sighed, and breathed the fresh air, wiping my arms with my towel, removing the greasy feelings the cafeteria left me. Somehow the coffee trip made me a bit relieved. At least they didn't beat me to a bloody pulp. But my head is so chaotic that I decided to go home, soak in hot water for an hour, and contemplate on his words. 

Right. And probably consider his offer...

Hey, wait, is that Kogure?

-Kogure- 

Of all the people...

From my post here beside the tree, doing stretches, I clearly saw a mass of blue-black hair plastered on the forehead, a towel draped on his neck. From that stinky cafeteria which had a bad reputation. 

Mitsui. 

I felt extreme hatred, which became much more intense when I saw he's heading this way. Apparently fate's not separating us at all. What fun. I hated him, and if he approached me, what should I say? Profanities?

Though I'm not the type of guy who'll scream swear words, I might became another soul by seeing this person, who is clearly the source of my hate. Oh, look... he's heading this way, evidently, with his eyes focused on me, he saw me, and worse, he even recognized me. 

I sighed, and continued with my stretches. 

"Um, Kogure?" I didn't budge from my position, still doing leg stretches, my stare not removing from the ground. Sweat rolled from my temple, landing on the trimmed lawn. There were feet shuffles, then again his voice.

"Kogure? Are you still angry with me?"

This time I quit the baloneys, adjusted my glasses and jogged twice as fast as I did earlier, heading wherever my feet would take me. It seemed as if Mitsui wouldn't quit either. I heard someone jogging behind me, then shifting to my side.

I gave him a quick glare, then uttered, "Isn't it obvious?"

"Well..." he looked at the ground, his pace same as mine. I'm quite exhausted actually, to go faster, so I retained the average speed. "Is there anything I can do to make... uh... it up to you?" a slight hesitation was traced in his voice. 

Oh, what a surprise. He's not used to this. His awful pride is crushing like flaky chocolate. 

I stopped, then looked down, allowing my bangs to cover my eyes, concealing it from Mitsui. I feel somehow forgiving, but not now... Not yet. It'll take some time. He must first know how to hide his pissing off attitude before I forgive him. But I fear it would take a very long time... 

With an air of decision, I looked up at his pleading eyes, saying stoically as I can, "Probably nothing would do, Mitsui. I don't even know if you're capable of saying an apology."

I sighed, and jogged again. This time he didn't follow. But inside me, I just think that my actions are a bit too ruthless, and a bit too senseless. What major thing have he done, anyway?

I must use my brain first before following my emotions. 

What a cliche...

-Mitsui- 

I stood frozen on my place after Kogure left me. Tetsuo's voice still echoed in my mind, but when I saw him - Kogure - the big man's voice stopped in my head, as if his only presence soothed my soul. And on that moment, I decided NOT to follow Tetsuo.

Who might have guessed, that a kind guy like him can talk like a cold-blooded killer for once? As far as I know, I didn't do anything so bad to make him that mad!

What's with Kogure?

I must've judged him wrong. So wrong.

I thought he was the only one who could shove me away from that big, hulking guy whose voice suddenly returned to my head, coaxing me like my demon alter-ego. 

And after he ran off from me, the voices took over my decision, and everything I want to do with my return in that not-so-happy land of Shohoku.

There's no turning back now.

TBC. 


End file.
